Firefly
by fethre
Summary: You were my firefly, Lily, and you lit up my world with your soft glow.


**A/N: Hey guys. So this is, once again, basic rambling that comes to my mind in the middle of the night. I get hopelessly delirious but somewhat inspired during that time, so it's when I get most of my ideas. Anyways, enough talk. Enjoy it!**

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><p><em>If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. And if it stays.. it never was.<em>

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><p><em><em>It's dark tonight, the truest colour of black imaginable. The moon stands bright against it, as large as ever, and the stars are dotted strategetically across the sky. The grass I lay in is soft and wonderful, a tell-tale sign of summer.

It's beautiful out here, breathtaking even, but it's not what captures my attention.

Hundreds of fireflies float along in the still of the night, flashing and dancing their way across the sky.

And there, in the middle of the night, I am reminded of you.

Because you're my firefly.

I was always alone, forever cast in the dark. My life was a large expanse of nothing.

I longed to be away, counted the days down to the freedom of Hogwarts and all the  
>greatness I'd heard about it.<p>

And then you came along.

You, with your crimson hair, bright green eyes so full of hope.

You saw something that others didn't. You saw the goodness I couldn't possibly have in my heart, saw everything in me.

We were instant friends. I explained to you the world of magic you never knew about, and you explained to me the world of love.

You were my firefly, Lily, and you lit up my world with your soft glow.

You were the light I had been searching for, a small flash of hope in the blindness. I thought, maybe.. maybe it can be better for me.

Then the moment came that we arrived at Hogwarts. I waited on edge for what I knew would happen, but I still pleaded desperately that it wouldn't.

I remember your hopeful eyes as I sat down on the stool and placed the Sorting Hat upon my head.

I remember the beating in my chest as I watched you sitting there at the Gryffindor table, with the hat deliberating upon my head.

I remember the longing, the desperate plea, to lift it off my head and join you at the Gryffindor table.

"SLYTHERIN."

And I remember watching your face fall, feeling so dissapointed in myself.

We didn't know it then, but our roles were already chosen.

We tried denying it, but that barrier rose between us, always reminding us. We were different, never meant to cross paths.

One destined for the sunlight, and one destined for the shadows.

Yet through it all, we tried to hold onto eachother.

I watched as you grew away from me, as you made friends in your house and didn't need me with you anymore.

You promised me nothing would come between us; We'll be Lily and Sev forever, you insisted.. but I knew better. It was only a matter of time before I was being placed last in your mind.

I held you back.. and for that I am sorry.

You were my firefly, Lily.

You loved me, and for a while you were content to hover near.

But I could see the longing in your eyes, how badly you wanted to be up in the sky, flying with all the rest. Flying with the ones that were like you, not stuck on the ground with slithering, selfish me.

And the day did come that you tried to gently take off.

"It's just.. Sev.. I'm not sure sometimes."

You crawled away from my open hands, spread your wings and took flight.

But I was always just a step behind, pulling you back to me with greedy fingers.

My Lily, my firefly. My flower, my friend. Not to be shared; just my light in the darkness. Nobody elses, and surely not Potter's.

You said I had nothing to worry about on that front. You told me time and time again of your hatred for him, how he was an arrogant toerag. You joked that the day he pulled you away from me was the day hell froze over.

But I could see you warming up to him. I could see the light in your eyes when you talked to him, the little crazy lopsided grin that only I used to recieve.

You tried to refuse it, and I wanted to believe you.

Yet I didn't, Lily. So I told myself.. that I don't need you.

You noticed the difference immediately, of course. You cornered me and asked why I was avoiding you, what was with my new friends. You were concerned, and rightfully too, but I was too spiteful to care.

And we were drifting apart, ever so slowly.

Then came the day that the rubber band holding us together just snapped. It was worn down from all the stretching, the bending of what was socially right and wrong.

"I don't need help from a filthy little mudblood like her!"

This time you took off again. You left me sitting there, and you didn't come back.

I tried catching you once more, running across the field of grass to catch you mid-flight..

I was sorry. I was so, so unbelievably sorry, and all I wanted to do was tell you.

But you were far above by now, getting farther away each second. I stood on my toes and stretched as far as I could, but you were out of reach.

You were always out of reach.

I thought maybe you'd come back if I gave you time.

So every night, I'd wait and study all the fireflies, waiting for you to cave. I imagined you'd give in with that little smile of yours, wrap me in your arms and shush my apologies.

You didn't.

I watched from the shadows as you grew closer to Potter, farther away from me. You gave your graduation speech as Head Girl, smiling and holding onto his hand, oblivious to the pain you had caused me. That I had caused myself.

I didn't let go of you. I waited forever for my firefly to return; there were dozens that could replace you, but you were the one I wanted.

You married him, Lily. And you died years later.

But I'll be with you soon.

I know you'll be waiting for me there. You'll take my hand in yours and give me that smile, and everything will fall right back into place.

And as fireflies, we can dance under the twinking stars with all the others. Finally free, finally one.

Always. 

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><p><strong>AN: Just.. don't even ask. Oh and for some reason it won't let me put in a line break thing, so you got stuck with the little dashes.  
>ANY HARDCORE SEVLILY: I'm sorry if this didn't live up to your idea of Snape. I know it doesn't sound at all.. manly enough? Sorry, but I am a female, after all.  
>Now before you go all crazy on me, this is from his point of view. I totally love Severus and the depth that his character actually holds. I wish I could explain it to you but I feel I would run on forever. So Severus thinks that in a way he was greedy with Lily (don't flip out on me, you know it's debatable), and he had trouble letting go (TRUEDAT).<br>So leave a review. Kthxbai!  
>-Mariah.<strong>


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